a Novel entitled...
"SUICIDE OF MY HEART"
by : Carlo A. Sangutan
coming soon....before this month ends...
June 9, 2013
April 16, 2012
Restless MONTHesis
In spite of the body's right,
I always slept almost midnight;
Trying to finish with all my might,
But great completion was not on sight.
I woke up late every morning,
And hoped the clock would stop turning;
Ball of fire was already shining,
And subject classes were strictly waiting.
Knock! Knock! Knock, I knocked!
The room's door was definitely locked;
Being late forced my head to be cocked,
A post “No Class” then led my body be rocked.
I suddenly thought of my thesis,
“To graduate, is it really the basis?”
The world would many times rotate on its axis,
But still, my mind suffered from a “catharsis”.
This essay was just very easy,
If and only if the references were many;
Not just that I was so lazy,
But my concentration was not for it solely.
The problem never stopped at that,
Since I must have panelists no matter what;
The adviser, the chairman were already on flat,
But the censor was needed, so I did squat.
Thank God someone concurred to be the one,
Who would check the grammar that I'd done;
I finished my first defense in a long run,
And was a halfway to what I called “fun”.
Two months left for the ten-month school year,
But still doing the half of it that seemed unclear;
Plus the intact decision of the faculty, so queer,
Reminded me of late graduation which increased my fear.
Last defense for the next month was then my goal,
Seeking for schedule that would be reached by my pole;
I combined my panelists' timetables as a whole,
As I focused on my thesis with heart, body, and soul.
I always came back home late at night,
Wishing that I could finish this essay and be in light;
I wanted to graduate with success in height,
And desired to acquire future so bright.
In spite of the body's right,
I always slept almost midnight;
Trying to finish with all my might,
But great completion was not on sight.
I woke up late every morning,
And hoped the clock would stop turning;
Ball of fire was already shining,
And subject classes were strictly waiting.
Knock! Knock! Knock, I knocked!
The room's door was definitely locked;
Being late forced my head to be cocked,
A post “No Class” then led my body be rocked.
I suddenly thought of my thesis,
“To graduate, is it really the basis?”
The world would many times rotate on its axis,
But still, my mind suffered from a “catharsis”.
This essay was just very easy,
If and only if the references were many;
Not just that I was so lazy,
But my concentration was not for it solely.
The problem never stopped at that,
Since I must have panelists no matter what;
The adviser, the chairman were already on flat,
But the censor was needed, so I did squat.
Thank God someone concurred to be the one,
Who would check the grammar that I'd done;
I finished my first defense in a long run,
And was a halfway to what I called “fun”.
Two months left for the ten-month school year,
But still doing the half of it that seemed unclear;
Plus the intact decision of the faculty, so queer,
Reminded me of late graduation which increased my fear.
Last defense for the next month was then my goal,
Seeking for schedule that would be reached by my pole;
I combined my panelists' timetables as a whole,
As I focused on my thesis with heart, body, and soul.
I always came back home late at night,
Wishing that I could finish this essay and be in light;
I wanted to graduate with success in height,
And desired to acquire future so bright.
October 19, 2011
SPLENDID NIGHTMARE IN A BLAZING ULTIMATE TRIP
By: Carlo “Carlz” Sangutan
It was a Friday evening when Richard laid his body down on his bed alone. At exactly twelve midnight, he felt there was someone lying beside him. But he thought that maybe it was just only his imagination because he missed his girlfriend who recently went abroad. A few minutes after, he again felt someone’s touch over his body. He did not mind it since he was very sure that no one was there because he locked the door of his room before he blew the candle and proceeded to bed. Darkness colonized the whole city. He could not see anyone even himself. The sweet touch continued to run over his body until he fell asleep.
As Richard unsealed his eyes, he still felt tired and suffered pain all over his body. He suddenly remembered that he and his friends were having a little celebration in a club because one of his companions was position-elevated in work. They also got intoxicated and without expecting, moved with the music all night. He then concluded that the pain he felt was from what they had done last night.
Richard realized that he had dreamt again the same strange dream he always dreamt since the day his girlfriend answered him “Yes”. He wondered why his dream gave him a situation which showed that he missed his girlfriend who went abroad. This was quite mind-puzzling because his girlfriend was not in abroad; instead her whole family was just living near their house. They were just neighbors. They both lived near Katipunan Street in Barangay Labangon.
Suddenly, a voice was heard coming from the kitchen. It interrupted him to think about the reason why he dreamt the kind of dream that did not perfectly copy the real situation of their relationship with his girlfriend. It was the voice of Aling Anita who is calling her son to come down to have breakfast with her.
Richard directly came down the stairs and went to their kitchen. As he reached the kitchen, there were already different kinds of food served at the table. Rice, fried egg, tinola and siomai were some of these stuffs with bananas as desserts. He hastily ate his breakfast in just four minutes and thirty-five seconds because he had planned to have some fun in this certain day. He missed his place. Since he spent his time from Mondays to Fridays mostly in his boarding house near his school, he could not make fun with his barkadas in their neighborhood.
He suddenly thought about his girlfriend whom he loved very much. He never saw her quite a month. This was why he planned to visit her in their house. With this plan, he also remembered one important thing for him, his cellphone, which was kept inside his clothes cabinet. He placed it under his favorite shirts and it had never been used after he decided to stay in his boarding house just to focus on his studies.
Richard hurriedly went upstairs and got his phone from his cabinet; recharged it and after few minutes, turned it on. He then undoubtedly sent messages to his sweetheart. He sent her inspiring quotes and a message which said, “Hi, dear. How are you? This is Richard.” He waited for a reply in few minutes but nothing entered to his cellphone’s inbox. It made him wonder what happened to his girlfriend. Suddenly, he remembered his dream, a very strange dream. He directly based it from what ancients had said that “dreams represent something in real lives.” Upon conceptualizing what had been said, he thought that his girlfriend might be already destitute of life since in his dream, someone who was invisible touched him when he was on his bed knowing that he was not with his girlfriend. He hurriedly went downstairs and asked his mother if his girlfriend was already dead. Aling Anita said that she did not know what happened to Sarah, her son’s sweetheart, since it was quite three weeks that she had not seen the girl.
Richard abruptly went outside their house and proceeded to Sarah’s palace. As he reached his girlfriend’s magnificent house, he did not notice anyone in it. The gate was strongly locked. Beside the gate, he stayed in expectation for anyone who would go inside the said house but no one entered until there was a lady who passed by in front of him. He asked her, “Excuse me, Miss. Where are the owners of this house?” The lady answered, “Ah, they already left that house and transferred to another because they wanted to be near to the municipality. They are now living near Colon Street, just at the back of University of the Visayas. “When did they leave?” asked Richard. The lady said, “They left two weeks ago.” Richard again asked, “How many of them left?” He made to ask the kind of question, to know and be sure that Sarah was still alive. “They were just three,” said the lady. Richard wondered why there were only three of them left instead of four: Sarah, his parents and his brother. He interrogated the lady, “Are you sure? Hadn’t you seen the fourth one?” “Yes, of course. There were only three persons who left that house and locked the gate afterwards. There were only a boy and his parents. I saw it with my observant eyes,” the lady replied. Richard thanked the lady about the information. His mind was again disturbed by his mental conception about what was truly happening to Sarah. In spite of what he imagined about his girlfriend, he planned to have a trip with his barkadas.
Richard then went back to their house and changed his clothes. He texted his barkadas and invited them to go with him in different places especially in the center of the island. They went to Emall, Metro Gaisano, Ayala, and lastly SM. His friends were really enjoying.
At SM when they were on the second floor, Richard saw Sarah walking toward a part of the building where dresses were sold. He ran after the girl, wanting to talk to her about their lives and their relationship. Sarah stopped near dresses department and looked for something that would fit to her. This was the time that Richard, chasing breath, tapped the girl’s shoulder and said, “Hi Sarah, long time no see. How are you?” Then Sarah was shocked while saying, “Richard? Is that you? I’m just OK…How about you?” “I’m also OK especially now that I again see you,” said Richard.
Suddenly, a man from a distant part called Sarah with the use of the sweet word “Babe”. Richard described the man as good-looking, who he thought, at around twenty-five to thirty years old. He at first thought that the man was just only Sarah’s friend but thoughts were battling in his mind that it was not her friend. The word “babe” which was used by the man to call her proved it. The man came near toward them and slowly put his arm on Sarah’s shoulder. Sarah then introduced the said man to Richard and the name of the man was Jericho. She asked Richard for his cell number and also gave her number to him.
Richard was suddenly called by his barkadas from a distance; interrupting his conversation with Sarah and Jericho, telling him that Aling Anita, his mother, wanted him to go home because it was already five-thirty in the afternoon. He then said goodbye to Sarah as well as to the man.
As Richard walked towards home together with his barkadas, his mind could not settle upon thinking Sarah. He regretfully asked himself why he did not still communicate with Sarah even through his phone, in order Sarah would not to be in the hands of another man. He never forgave himself. His heart seemed like being crumpled by the so-called destiny. He even thought of ending his existence.
When he approached home, his barkadas also made their way to their respective sanctuaries. He pushed their door to open it and when he closed it, his phone rang. It was a text message from Sarah. He opened it and it said, “Good eves, can we meet tomorrow at SM? Thanks.” He wondered why Sarah would still like to meet him even if she already had Jericho to meet with.
In the morning, they both met in the second floor of SM and decided to eat in a restaurant where they could go to have their talk. When they were in a restaurant, Richard frankly asked Sarah there and there; why she still wanted to meet and see him. Sarah briefly answered that she still loved him and wanted to continue their relationship. Richard was shocked, wondering why she loved him even if she already had Jericho. He asked Sarah about Jericho. Sarah, who was laughing, said that she and Jericho were just friends: close friends. They just used to call each other 'babe' to emphasize their friendship.
Richard, upon hearing those words, happily hugged Sarah. He hugged her tightly that no key could unlock while saying that he still loved her and wanted also to continue their relationship. They now lived happily but suddenly, a shout of different voices was heard. I accidentally opened my eyes and realized that it was such a very satisfying dream. I said 'yes' but what I saw around me were people shouting for help; some were crying and others were praying soulfully. Oh! We were in the bus, I remembered. I saw the driver sweating; trying to stop the vehicle and managing to turn the bus as where the correct direction was. The bus was still in a speed. People around me were still craving for hope.
Suddenly, a huge truck came towards us from the opposite direction. I tried to see the driver of that truck and just wanted to signal him to stop his truck to avoid collision. Oh, yes! I saw the driver ten meters from our bus. Oh, no! He was drowsing. I managed to say 'I love you, my dear God' and -BOOM-, our bus collided to the huge truck. The shout of the people vanished. The crying was stopped, also with the praying. Without a minute, both our bus and the truck exploded, covering all parts with magnificent flame.
--- THE END ---
It was a Friday evening when Richard laid his body down on his bed alone. At exactly twelve midnight, he felt there was someone lying beside him. But he thought that maybe it was just only his imagination because he missed his girlfriend who recently went abroad. A few minutes after, he again felt someone’s touch over his body. He did not mind it since he was very sure that no one was there because he locked the door of his room before he blew the candle and proceeded to bed. Darkness colonized the whole city. He could not see anyone even himself. The sweet touch continued to run over his body until he fell asleep.
As Richard unsealed his eyes, he still felt tired and suffered pain all over his body. He suddenly remembered that he and his friends were having a little celebration in a club because one of his companions was position-elevated in work. They also got intoxicated and without expecting, moved with the music all night. He then concluded that the pain he felt was from what they had done last night.
Richard realized that he had dreamt again the same strange dream he always dreamt since the day his girlfriend answered him “Yes”. He wondered why his dream gave him a situation which showed that he missed his girlfriend who went abroad. This was quite mind-puzzling because his girlfriend was not in abroad; instead her whole family was just living near their house. They were just neighbors. They both lived near Katipunan Street in Barangay Labangon.
Suddenly, a voice was heard coming from the kitchen. It interrupted him to think about the reason why he dreamt the kind of dream that did not perfectly copy the real situation of their relationship with his girlfriend. It was the voice of Aling Anita who is calling her son to come down to have breakfast with her.
Richard directly came down the stairs and went to their kitchen. As he reached the kitchen, there were already different kinds of food served at the table. Rice, fried egg, tinola and siomai were some of these stuffs with bananas as desserts. He hastily ate his breakfast in just four minutes and thirty-five seconds because he had planned to have some fun in this certain day. He missed his place. Since he spent his time from Mondays to Fridays mostly in his boarding house near his school, he could not make fun with his barkadas in their neighborhood.
He suddenly thought about his girlfriend whom he loved very much. He never saw her quite a month. This was why he planned to visit her in their house. With this plan, he also remembered one important thing for him, his cellphone, which was kept inside his clothes cabinet. He placed it under his favorite shirts and it had never been used after he decided to stay in his boarding house just to focus on his studies.
Richard hurriedly went upstairs and got his phone from his cabinet; recharged it and after few minutes, turned it on. He then undoubtedly sent messages to his sweetheart. He sent her inspiring quotes and a message which said, “Hi, dear. How are you? This is Richard.” He waited for a reply in few minutes but nothing entered to his cellphone’s inbox. It made him wonder what happened to his girlfriend. Suddenly, he remembered his dream, a very strange dream. He directly based it from what ancients had said that “dreams represent something in real lives.” Upon conceptualizing what had been said, he thought that his girlfriend might be already destitute of life since in his dream, someone who was invisible touched him when he was on his bed knowing that he was not with his girlfriend. He hurriedly went downstairs and asked his mother if his girlfriend was already dead. Aling Anita said that she did not know what happened to Sarah, her son’s sweetheart, since it was quite three weeks that she had not seen the girl.
Richard abruptly went outside their house and proceeded to Sarah’s palace. As he reached his girlfriend’s magnificent house, he did not notice anyone in it. The gate was strongly locked. Beside the gate, he stayed in expectation for anyone who would go inside the said house but no one entered until there was a lady who passed by in front of him. He asked her, “Excuse me, Miss. Where are the owners of this house?” The lady answered, “Ah, they already left that house and transferred to another because they wanted to be near to the municipality. They are now living near Colon Street, just at the back of University of the Visayas. “When did they leave?” asked Richard. The lady said, “They left two weeks ago.” Richard again asked, “How many of them left?” He made to ask the kind of question, to know and be sure that Sarah was still alive. “They were just three,” said the lady. Richard wondered why there were only three of them left instead of four: Sarah, his parents and his brother. He interrogated the lady, “Are you sure? Hadn’t you seen the fourth one?” “Yes, of course. There were only three persons who left that house and locked the gate afterwards. There were only a boy and his parents. I saw it with my observant eyes,” the lady replied. Richard thanked the lady about the information. His mind was again disturbed by his mental conception about what was truly happening to Sarah. In spite of what he imagined about his girlfriend, he planned to have a trip with his barkadas.
Richard then went back to their house and changed his clothes. He texted his barkadas and invited them to go with him in different places especially in the center of the island. They went to Emall, Metro Gaisano, Ayala, and lastly SM. His friends were really enjoying.
At SM when they were on the second floor, Richard saw Sarah walking toward a part of the building where dresses were sold. He ran after the girl, wanting to talk to her about their lives and their relationship. Sarah stopped near dresses department and looked for something that would fit to her. This was the time that Richard, chasing breath, tapped the girl’s shoulder and said, “Hi Sarah, long time no see. How are you?” Then Sarah was shocked while saying, “Richard? Is that you? I’m just OK…How about you?” “I’m also OK especially now that I again see you,” said Richard.
Suddenly, a man from a distant part called Sarah with the use of the sweet word “Babe”. Richard described the man as good-looking, who he thought, at around twenty-five to thirty years old. He at first thought that the man was just only Sarah’s friend but thoughts were battling in his mind that it was not her friend. The word “babe” which was used by the man to call her proved it. The man came near toward them and slowly put his arm on Sarah’s shoulder. Sarah then introduced the said man to Richard and the name of the man was Jericho. She asked Richard for his cell number and also gave her number to him.
Richard was suddenly called by his barkadas from a distance; interrupting his conversation with Sarah and Jericho, telling him that Aling Anita, his mother, wanted him to go home because it was already five-thirty in the afternoon. He then said goodbye to Sarah as well as to the man.
As Richard walked towards home together with his barkadas, his mind could not settle upon thinking Sarah. He regretfully asked himself why he did not still communicate with Sarah even through his phone, in order Sarah would not to be in the hands of another man. He never forgave himself. His heart seemed like being crumpled by the so-called destiny. He even thought of ending his existence.
When he approached home, his barkadas also made their way to their respective sanctuaries. He pushed their door to open it and when he closed it, his phone rang. It was a text message from Sarah. He opened it and it said, “Good eves, can we meet tomorrow at SM? Thanks.” He wondered why Sarah would still like to meet him even if she already had Jericho to meet with.
In the morning, they both met in the second floor of SM and decided to eat in a restaurant where they could go to have their talk. When they were in a restaurant, Richard frankly asked Sarah there and there; why she still wanted to meet and see him. Sarah briefly answered that she still loved him and wanted to continue their relationship. Richard was shocked, wondering why she loved him even if she already had Jericho. He asked Sarah about Jericho. Sarah, who was laughing, said that she and Jericho were just friends: close friends. They just used to call each other 'babe' to emphasize their friendship.
Richard, upon hearing those words, happily hugged Sarah. He hugged her tightly that no key could unlock while saying that he still loved her and wanted also to continue their relationship. They now lived happily but suddenly, a shout of different voices was heard. I accidentally opened my eyes and realized that it was such a very satisfying dream. I said 'yes' but what I saw around me were people shouting for help; some were crying and others were praying soulfully. Oh! We were in the bus, I remembered. I saw the driver sweating; trying to stop the vehicle and managing to turn the bus as where the correct direction was. The bus was still in a speed. People around me were still craving for hope.
Suddenly, a huge truck came towards us from the opposite direction. I tried to see the driver of that truck and just wanted to signal him to stop his truck to avoid collision. Oh, yes! I saw the driver ten meters from our bus. Oh, no! He was drowsing. I managed to say 'I love you, my dear God' and -BOOM-, our bus collided to the huge truck. The shout of the people vanished. The crying was stopped, also with the praying. Without a minute, both our bus and the truck exploded, covering all parts with magnificent flame.
--- THE END ---
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